He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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