dude i'm inner monologue high
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
