Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
