im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize