I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
