I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
