Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
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