Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
