That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
