I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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