how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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