Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
