i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
They have beer where we have blood.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
