at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
