y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
