He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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