Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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