At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
