If that was your dad, he is hot
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
