why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
