Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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