we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
