Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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