ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
