Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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