I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Text me some of your sweat
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
