Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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