and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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