This is not my ceiling
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
