so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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