I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I have fence marks all over my body
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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