I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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