these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
