I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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