so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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