Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i now understand why vodka
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
