i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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