I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize