East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
