Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
