DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
