i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
