Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
