Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
