I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
