Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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