I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize