Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I want to have your abortion
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
