Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
