I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
