jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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