why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
