if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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