Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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