Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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