my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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