I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
