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none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
