im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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