im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
