your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize