I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
my liver is dry heaving
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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